Mobbing coniugale
Coppia in crisi? A volte si tratta di vero e proprio mobbing familiare!
Il termine mobbing è entrato da tempo nel linguaggio comune e spesso viene utilizzato in maniera inadeguata per definire comportamenti o situazioni che poco riguardano il mobbing vero e proprio. Il concetto deriva dall’etologia, dove viene utilizzato per indicare un comportamento caratteristico di alcune specie animali, che circondano e assalgono un proprio simile allo scopo di estrometterlo dal branco, e fino a tempi molto recenti trovava applicazione esclusivamente nei contesti lavorativi.
Una prima definizione di mobbing è stata data dallo psicologo svedese Heinz Leymann come strategia di persecuzione psicologica attuata in un ambiente di lavoro per costringere la persona colpita in una posizione di debolezza. In Italia il mobbing è arrivato negli anni ’90 con Haraid Ege, che lo ha descritto come una forma di terrore psicologico messo in atto nell’ambiente di lavoro, mediante comportamenti aggressivi e vessatori ripetuti per almeno sei mesi, da parte dei colleghi o dei superiori nei confronti di una vittima designata.
Negli ultimi tempi si è osservato che anche alcuni comportamenti, attuati nelle dinamiche relazionali coniugali e familiari e finalizzati alla delegittimazione di uno dei coniugi e alla estromissione di questo dai processi decisionali, siano riconducibili al mobbing. Recenti studi e ricerche, come quelli dell’Osservatorio Permanente Interassociativo sulla Famiglia e Minori dell’Istituto degli Studi Giuridici Superiori stanno portando oggi alla ribalta un particolare tipo di mobbing, che si presenta talvolta nelle relazioni coniugali contraddistinte da una intensa conflittualità. Questi studi hanno rilevato, in alcuni casi, l’attuazione, da parte di uno dei coniugi, di strategie “persecutorie” preordinate nei confronti dell’altro coniuge, allo scopo di costringere quest’ultimo a lasciare la casa coniugale o ad acconsentire, ad esempio, a una separazione consensuale,pur di chiudere rapporti coniugali conflittuali e fonte di estrema sofferenza, dietro i quali si celano spesso relazioni extra-coniugali altro. Sappiamo che ogni relazione coniugale è caratterizzata da una certa quantità di conflittualità interpersonale, che non solo non nuoce alla relazione stessa ma spesso si rivela funzionale ad essa.Il mobbing coniugale non ha nulla in comune con tale conflittualità, ma definisce un vero e proprio attacco continuo e intenzionale di uno dei due coniugi allo volontà e alla capacità di resistenza dell’altro. Il mobbing coniugale, come ogni forma di mobbing, infatti, presuppone l’intenzionalità dell’autore della condotta “persecutoria”. E’, in altri termini, una strategia comportamentale volta a raggiungere un obiettivo. In genere la strategia è costituita da atteggiamenti offensivi e insultanti, provocazioni sistematiche, rifiuto di qualsiasi forma di cooperazione, imposizione della propria volontà nelle scelte che riguardano alla famiglia, sottrazione di beni comuni. L’obiettivo, in genere, è quello di mettere in discussione il ruolo del coniuge mobbizzato nella famiglia, per estrometterlo dalle decisioni o per indurlo a decisioni cui è invece contrario. Il mobbing coniugale è una strategia ben studiata,è una forma di persecuzione subdola, impalpabile, fatta di piccoli gesti, ostilità, chiusura della comunicazione, continue critiche, assoluta indifferenza messa in atto con l’intenzione di sminuire l’altro Tali comportamenti possono inficiare l’autostima del coniuge mobbizzato, che spesso finisce per vedersi esattamente come il coniuge mobber lo ha disegnato. La vittima di tali comportamenti lesivi, spesso, a causa di questo perverso meccanismo di autosvalutazione e di colpevolizzazione giustifica anche per anni i comportamenti del coniuge, attribuendoli, in qualche misura, ai propri presunti limiti personali. In alcuni casi il coniuge colpito reagisce con un caratteristico meccanismo difensivo di distacco emozionale, nel tentativo di proteggersi dalla dolorosa esperienza di essere rifiutato, insultato, ingannato, dalla persona cui ha offerto la sua fiducia, scegliendola come compagna di vita, fino a quando questo sistema di difesa non viene messo in crisi da un evento che pone la vittima dinanzi all’impossibilità di continuare a negare l’evidenza dei fatti. La scoperta, ad esempio, di una relazione extra-coniugale agisce, in questi casi, come una sorta di insight nel quale vengono riorganizzati e acquistano significati numerosi elementi raccolti nel corso della vita coniugale. Possiamo così tentare di elencare alcuni segnali tipici del mobbing coniugale: esternazione reiterata di giudizi offensivi e atteggiamenti irriguardosi e espulsivi in tutte le situazioni sociali, nell’ambito del nucleo parentale e amicale,atteggiamenti di disistima e di critica aperti e teatrali;provocazioni continue e sistematiche;rifiuto a collaborare alla realizzazione dell’indirizzo familiare concordato;
– tentativi di sminuire il ruolo in famiglia
– pressioni a lasciare la casa coniugale;
– continue imposizioni della propria volontà relativamente alle scelte che si rendono necessarie nel corso della convivenza coniugale;
– azioni volte a sottrarre beni comuni alla coppia;
– mancato supporto alla vittima nel rapporto con gli altri familiari;
– coinvolgimento continuo di terzi nelle liti familiari.
Accanto al mobbing coniugale distinguiamo anche il mobbing familiare che può essere attuato all’interno della coppia genitoriale,
in seguito alla separazione o al divorzio .In particolare il mobbing familiare si esplica nel tentativo di emarginare dai
processi decisionali tipici dei genitori l’altro coniuge, mediante minacce o aperte campagne di denigrazione e di
delegittimazione familiare e sociale del suo ruolo genitoriale.
Il mobbing familiare si ritrova in quattro campi principali:
– sabotaggi delle frequentazioni con il figlio,
– emarginazione dai processi decisionali tipici dei genitori,
– minacce,
– campagna di denigrazione e delegittimazione familiare e sociale. (Gaetano Giordano, Conflittualità nella separazione coniugale:il “mobbing” genitoriale.).
La Corte di Appello di Torino ha pronunciato una sentenza innovativa (21 febbraio 2001) in cui il mobbing è indicato come causa che giustifica l’addebitabilità della separazione alla colpa del coniuge che vessando la moglie ha reso intollerabile la convivenza.Si è cominciato, così, a discutere sulla possibilità che il danno da mobbing coniugale e familiare sia riconducibile alla figura risarcitoria del danno esistenziale (Petrilli, 2003).Non si può trascurare, inoltre, la possibilità che le conseguenze sull’equilibrio psico-fisico del soggetto leso da un comportamento di mobbing coniugale e familiare possa configurarsi come danno biologico, laddove si ponga diagnosi di disagio psicologico in relazione causale con la condotta mobbizzanti.Come si vede il dibattito è appena agli inizi.
Bibliografia
– Un ulteriore ambito di applicabilità del mobbing: la separazione addebitabile. Domenica Petrilli
– Primi dati statistici sul mobbing familiare relativi agli anni 1996-2002.
– Conflittualità nella separazione coniugale: il “mobbing” genitoriale. Di Gaetano Giordano.
scritto dalla Dott.ssa Carmen Pernicola
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